I Need Thee

For a while now there has been something that has been weighing on my heart...well, my soul really. Do you ever have moments in your life where you know what you are suppose to be doing, but for some reason, everything else seems to take priority and you don't do that one thing you should be? For some reason, this seems to happen in a lot of areas in my life, but lately there's been one area that has really been eating up inside me. My relationship with my Father in Heaven and savior Jesus Christ. I have always felt a connection with my Heavenly Father. Even in hard times and times when I fall away or don't communicate. I have never doubted the presence of my Lord and savior. He is a constant thought, feeling and need in my heart. But for something that seems to always be there, why do I not give Him the time and devotion He deserves? 

Every week at church, I sit there and try to listen and feel the spirit (it's hard with three kids and half the time I'm alone). Yet somehow, in all the chaos, I do and I feel so uplifted and grateful for my Lord and all that He has given me...even though I feel like I don't deserve any of it. He continues to bless me and my family and send me reminders of His presence, always letting me know He's there and just waiting for me to call on Him. But you know what...I don't. I don't make extra time for Him. I know I need to. It eats away at me every night as I go to bed and think, "I didn't read my scriptures today...or teach my children anything about Jesus today...or even just say a prayer." I usually end this thought by saying a prayer of apology...but what good is an "I'm sorry" if I keep on doing the same thing every day? 

I feel like I always have great intentions of giving time to the Lord. I come up with a schedule and try to stick to it, but after about a week everything just stops. I give up and the guilt starts to build up inside me. I feel like if I miss a day of scripture reading, that I need to make up for it during my next reading. But then that means I take longer time to get my reading done, and when I miss more than one day, the reading list gets longer and longer and then I feel overwhelmed and just can't do it! (Just like every other aspect in my life...cleaning, fitness, etc.) 

But is time with our Father in Heaven suppose to be a chore? Or stressful and overwhelming? No! It's suppose to be genuine and sincere. He wants me to know Him. How do you get to know someone if you don't spend any time with them? I just feel like a hypocrite lately. I teach kids on Sunday and tell them all the things they should be doing...all the things that I am not doing. Even when I do have moments with my own children, I feel like I'm lying...I need to teach by example. And I'm not really a great example in that area right now. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is even though I've been doing some cleaning around the house and making lists of all the other things I want to accomplish, I feel like my priorities may not be in order. I need to put God first. I need to make time for Him. I need to be fed by the words of the scriptures and strengthen my relationship with Him. Once I start doing this and figure out a good routine, I will definitely share what I have found to work! Having a gospel-centered life is something I have always longed for, but I can't expect my family to be gospel centered if I'm not living it either. I need to start with me and then add we. As I'm writing this, I find myself humming one of my favorite hymns. 

 

So in the mix of all the things I am trying to fix about my life, I am going to take time everyday to spend with our Lord. He has given me so much and still does, He deserves to be first on my list of priorities. 

Just Bloom

Finally a non-cleaning post.  I don't know about you, but I have a horrible habit of comparing myself and my life to other people. Sometimes it's things other people have, or the way other women look, or sometimes I want to just be better, prettier, funnier than other people because the happiest or prettiest or funniest seem to have it all. I know that's not true, but that's the downfall of comparing...it makes you think those thoughts.  It's something that seriously needs to stop and really takes a toll on my confidence. I've been trying to work on this lately, and when I feel the jealous/envious/bitter feeling about someone, I just try to think about what I have and then remember that they have a different life/body/job than I do so there's no point to compare. I just need to worry about being me and loving me. So when I was cleaning out some of my Pinterest pins today, I came across this quote.  It so beautiful and true and is something that I need to remember when I start comparing.

A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it,

it just blooms.

Keep on Keepin' on

So, not much has really happened since the big garage clean out. But since the clean out, the garage has stayed clean AND I've been keeping up with the laundry.  That has not happened in years, I'm always behind and it piles up and we run out of clothes and then I spend days just trying to get caught up. Honestly though, the cleaned out garage has seriously lifted a weight off my shoulders.  I'm so glad the hubs and I tackled it and just got it done.  Plus, seeing all the work we did over two days has really given me the itch so start other clean out projects around the house.  We have so much to do to make the house feel like it's in order.  I have lots of little things that I should probably start tackling, I bet if I did one thing every day (or even every week), I'd get through the list so fast!  I'll make a list of those things in a later post. But for now, here is a list some of my big projects:
-fold and box up old kids clothes
-clean out extra room
-clean out linen closet
-clean out master closet
-organize pantry

The things I have listed may not seem like much, but when you add in three kids with schedules and a husband who works nights, it makes things a little more difficult to have the time to just dedicate a day to a project.  That was one of the reasons we did the garage clean out on a Monday and Tuesday...my husband had those days off.  So, I may have to plan these for his off days too.

Anyway, since the garage clean out, I really enjoy doing my laundry.  The space is now a clean, functional space to do it.  AND since I created the "folding table" on the car, it makes folding and sorting a whole lot easier.  I don't know about you, but when a room is cleaned out and organized at your house, don't you just want to hang out in there? Lol, we do this all the time at our house.  When we clean any of the upstairs rooms, we all end up hanging out in there.  So after the garage was cleaned, I have found myself just going out there to be in the space. I wish I could figure out a way to keep my living space (living, kitchen and dining rooms) clean so I'd want to be there more.

Maybe once all the other rooms start getting in order and all our items start finding "homes" then I'll be able to get the downstairs organized.  It's tough since it's the space we are ALWAYS in and using. I'm always doing something in the kitchen, there is always a child sitting at the table and always a child playing in the living room and someone is usually sitting on a couch. But the time everyone goes to bed and we are no longer going to be in the space, I'm so tired and pooped from the day that I just don't want to clean it all up. This is a very bad habit that I need to figure out how to break.  It'll happen.  I have hope.  Especially since the garage clean out and laundry upkeep...It's only been four days, but I'm not going to stop keepin up with it! I gotta keep on keepin on!

Somebody, Pinch Me!

After I posted on Sunday, I read through them and realized that I haven't really done or changed anything with my life.  All I have done is tell you what I did (or didn't) do that day.  This blog is suppose to be me learning to tackle the things that I feel like I can never get around to doing...the things that are weighing me down because no matter how clean my house may look, there's always a dirty closet or garage or something that needs de-cluttering; and no matter how cute my new outfit may be, I am usually sucking and tucking something in so I don't let anyone see what's really hiding under the clothes.  You know...it's those things.  I'm not saying that having a clean kitchen or going a day without make up to prove to yourself you are beautiful are not good things...but that's not really the point of this blog for me.  I'm not just going to posting the "daily" upkeep of my life, I need to be posting the projects, the achievements, the ah-ha moments!

So, now what? Well, you may have noticed I missed a day of posting, and there is a good reason for it. I have finally been able to tackle something that has literally been collecting junk, trash, dirt and a whole lot of stress and tears for the past three years...the garage!  Yes, yesterday morning, my husband and I went out there and just started the daunting task.  I am so mad at myself for not taking a "before" picture of the mess, because it was so bad. You couldn't even walk through the garage.  We had about 10-17 boxes FULL of old paperwork and just stuff that I don't even know why we were keeping it...but here is a "half way there" picture:

That was only after about 3 hours of working.  I'm so glad I was able to LET GO of being such a control freak and let my husband help and throw out stuff.  It was hard at first, but I survived...plus, we were moving along so nice that I really didn't care by the time he went through and emptied his third box.  We worked as much as we could while our youngest napped and our middle was playing inside and our oldest was at school.  After that, the cleaning started to slow because it's hard to deep clean and organize with little ones wanting to "help."  At the end of the day on Monday, the garage looked like this:

We definitely made progress! (Again, I wish you could have seen what it looked like when we started.)  We can now walk around and all that was left was things that I needed to put away and find a home for.

So that takes me to Tuesday...today!  After our older two went to school, I put the baby down for a nap and was back in the garage to finish up.  All I could think about today was how much I couldn't wait to sweep the floor.  It's been years since I swept that floor. I pulled down bins and sorted and put away lots of the piles lying around.  I threw out more stuff, I made the laundry pile even taller (ugh, that'll be my next task to tackle), I even did some reorganizing!  It took a little longer today since I really had to think about where to put things and figure out how I was going to organize it all. And again, once all the kids were home and awake, it was difficult to keep moving.  I even had to text my sister-in-law for some motivating words.  It definitely helps having someone there to cheer you on.  I know my husband was too, but he isn't as vocal as I would like sometimes. ;-) Anyway, after not letting myself give up, I went back out there and did all I could do today. Ta-da!

YES!! I still can't believe this has happened...I was able to sweep and everything! Now let me explain what is left in the garage, because I'm sure you have noticed that it's not quite at 100% yet.  The huge laundry stack on top of the washer is actually coats, costumes and blankets that need to be put away (some will need to be washed as well). Below is a pile of trash and items for donating. I can't do anything with the trash bags and recycling because we already filled all out trash cans from the initial clean out, so that'll have to wait until the next trash day.

These are all my bins of decorations and things that "live" in the garage (I'll be going through some of these bins someday to just clean out and get rid of things we don't use):

This area is where we keep our games, chest freezer, extra carseat/stroller, but the three boxes on top of the table are things that will go upstairs once we get the closet and room cleaned out and organized so they actually have a place to get put:

Lastly, this area is what I am dreading...well, not all of it. The black shelves are our tools and other things, there is a box of kids shoes that I keep as the kids grow out of their shoes, and a cute IKEA cart that I really want to find a use for, but haven't yet.  What I am dreading are the are the two extra chairs from my dining table that are covered with clean laundry that has not made their way to closets and drawers in MONTHS! We have a very bad habit in our house...if there is not laundry basket in the garage when the laundry needs to be switched, we just put it on the chair.  But then it gets forgotten and wrinkled and no one wants to deal with it.  Well, now it is going to get dealt with!

Sorting the laundry is my next garage task.  But first, let me show you what we have not been able to do in three years...

Park a car in the garage!! This is our extra car for emergencies and when family/friends need a car when they visit.  It's been out on the street for so long since the garage has been a disaster, but now we can keep it in the garage and it won't get so dirty and worn from just sitting outside since it doesn't get used very often.  I am soooooo excited!  I can't way to finish the garage completely and not have to think about cleaning it.  

Tonight after dinner, I needed to do some laundry and while I was in there, I was still feeling motivated to get things done so I had a great idea. I turned the hood of the car into my "folding table" by using one of my old blankets. You see, I dream of having a real laundry room someday, but in the mean time I'll just pretend I do by using what I have. Haha, see...

It sure makes going through and sorting the mountain of clothes a lot easier.  This is where I have left off for the night...

All the items that are laying out on top of things are my shirts that I don't put in the dryer.  And you may have noticed the chalkboard and baby saucer that made their way out there...that's because my girls wanted to be with me while I did this. :-) Tomorrow morning, once my shirts are dry, I will be able to put all the laundry away! Wahoo!!

I honestly still cannot believe this has happened.  Here are my tips for when you are wanting to tackle a huge project like cleaning out a garage. 

1) Have a plan. - Our plan was to first throw away all the trash and junk, and then focus on organizing.

2) Ask for help! - I am someone who likes to do things alone, but I am learning to ask for help when a project is overwhelming or when I know there are going to be multiple distractions throughout the day.  As a mom, my kids need me, so knowing that my husband was there to either take over or take care of the kids when there were needs made it so much easier to keep going.

3) Create "zones." - I had a trash zone, a keep zone, a this stays in the garage zone, etc. It made sorting easier because once boxes were emptied and things were in their "zones," I only worried about going through and organizing one zone at a time.  

4) Make a list! - I made a to do list before we started the garage.  But after we finished Day 1, I updated my list with what needed to be put away and how to organize the newly clean areas.  It really help keep me on track because towards the end, I was losing steam and focus but I looked at my list and would see an item and take care of it. (i.e. magazines - I have magazine boxes that these needed to go in, so instead of moving them to the side and creating another project for later; I just assemble the boxes, placed the magazines in their appropriate box, and put the boxes upstairs on the bookshelf.)

I hope this post helps motivate you to do something that has been weighing you down as well.  It's been about three years since this garage has been in this condition and I hope it stays this way!  One of the things that kept me motivated was the thought of moving someday.  I kept telling myself, "Andrea, if you don't get this done, you're going to have to do this when you move into a house someday.  Do you really want to take all this junk with you?" Haha. Whatever works, right?!

Lazy Sunday

Don't be fooled by the title of this post, just because it says "lazy" does not mean I was lazy.  However, it is Sunday and it's our family chillax day.  We don't do much, so I decided to not throw everyone off by going crazy with my goals. Also, I teach the 3/4 year old class at church, so by the time I get home I am exhausted. Lol. So I didn't start a workout routine, but I did take the kids for a walk today. I also cleaned the kitchen up after dinner...score! That's pretty much it -haha- a walk and a clean kitchen.  But I feel good about everything.  I actually woke up today feeling more refreshed than normal, and was able to get all three kids and myself ready for church ON TIME! I didn't even have a freak out moment...I usually do when we are trying to be somewhere by a certain time.

I know I haven't been doing this blog very long, but I have been having this desire to be a better me and organizing my life for a long time.  I feel like since I have started this blog and am just documenting and holding myself accountable for things, I feel better.  Even though nothing has really changed...yet.  Right now, just going through the motions of doing this blog and proving to myself that I can keep up with something is what I need to start tackling my other goals.  I'm trying to accomplish the daily tasks before I start projects and programs and new meal plans and all that good stuff.

I have a notebook that I have been writing down things I would like to do around the house.  You know, those things that you notice when you're putting away laundry or making lunches...you see it and you think "it'd nice to...".  For example, it'd be nice to clean out my linen closet.  I have so many blankets, sheets, towels, etc. that we don't use and they take up so much space!  It'd be nice to go though the hundreds of purses and bags I have and just keep the ones I actually use.  It'd be nice to sort the socks so we don't have to dig through the laundry basket everyday.  You get the picture.  I have my notebook near by so I can write down things as I think of them. If you're anything like me, knowing that all these little things are still undone can eat you up inside.  My goal is to eventually tackle these projects, maybe one a week.  But first I need to just clean the daily stuff, show myself that I can do the "everyday" things EVERY DAY! Haha.  So day two of a clean kitchen, done!

Being Productive

My last post was about me embracing me, now this post is what I did today.  I was productive!  After I got ready, usually I sit with my kids and do nothing...haha, it's Saturday.  But today I decided that sitting was not an option.  When I sit and get comfy, I don't get anything done.  And when nothing gets done, I get cranky.  And when mom is cranky, the kids are cranky.  Do you see the domino effect? So I came downstairs, put my shoes on and got moving.  I collected and took out the trash.  I cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the downstairs bathroom and...drum roll please...did ALL the laundry!  And, at the end of the day, the kids and I even picked up all the toys in the living room so we won't have a mess in the morning. And because things were a little more orderly today, we were able to go out for lunch, ran to the store and I even took the kids out for frozen yogurt! It really felt so good to just get things done.  It is giving me hope that I'll be able to clean the whole house and eventually start cleaning out closets, drawers and the garage!  My goal is to come up with a daily/weekly/monthly chore rotation chart.  So I don't have to feel like I need to do everything everyday.  I'll just have a small list of to dos.  This will be a project for later, but that's something I would like to accomplish. 

Well that's pretty much it for this post.  I just kept moving and tried not to sit down for too long today.  It really helped me stay focused.  Here is a before and after of my kitchen...this is seriously how my kitchen looks after a day in our house. 

So much better! Now I need to figure out how to keep it that way.  After I cleaned it, I did manage to keep it that way even after making dinner. 21 days makes a habit...let's see if I can keep this up for 20 more days! 

Embracing Me

Today I didn't start an new workout routine, or start a diet, or completely cleaned and organized my house.  Like I said, I am just starting to work at this "getting it together" thing, so not doing too much at once is the best way for me to accomplish anything.  Setting small, manageable goals.  Today was a new day that started out like any other day.  Well, it's Saturday so I was moving sloooooow.  Around 9:30, I could see that nothing was changing and I was still feeling like my same lazy self. What the heck?! Finding motivation and desire to change is so hard, but I can do this! So I after I finished nursing my youngest, I got up and took a shower and got ready!

This is where I start to implement goal #1...loving myself.  After I got dressed and it was time for my hair and make-up routine. But I just stood there and stared at myself.  Holding back tears as I tried to ignore my harsh thoughts and see past my imperfections. (My eyes are too big and bulge out of my face, my nose has grown three sizes since high school, I have lines on my forehead, my lips are always so dry, and my head looks way too small on my broad shoulders...the list goes on.) I really do not like the way I look with straight, flat hair and no make-up. You can cover things up and look like a whole new person with a good beauty routine.  But not today! Today I am not going to let me tear me down again!  No, I do not think I am the most beautiful thing to ever walk this earth, BUT as I was staring at myself, I started to realize something that is so important to see...this IS ME.  Yes, my eyes are big (no, they don't bulge); yes, I have fine lines (because I'm not 17 anymore); I have a nose and it's not huge, my head is not tiny, my lips just need some chapstick! Haha.  Unless I'm going to pay someone to surgically change my features so I no longer look like me, I need to stop looking in the mirror and feeling like the ugliest woman alive. My husband thinks I'm beautiful with out all the curls and mascara...so why can't I?  So here goes nothing. This is me...no make-up, damp hair Andrea. 

Ah! Did I really just post that photo?! Yes I did...and guess what? The world didn't end! Haha. Today I decided to look in the mirror and embrace me and my natural beauty.  I did blow dry my hair, but didn't give myself the extra volume I normally do!  The funniest thing happened.  No one ran from me and my hideous, non-made up face...no one even noticed, and if they did, no one cared.  Now I'm not saying that I'm done with make-up and doing my hair. I just wanted to show myself that I am just as pretty without all that as I am with it and the only person who cares if I don't wear it is me.  To be honest, I didn't even notice.  I don't really look at myself throughout the day, so not wearing make-up wasn't too bad.  I feel like I've made a baby step towards loving myself.  It was a good step for me today.  I'm going to try everyday to find positive things and stop looking at all my imperfections. I hope this helps you see that you can embrace you and see your beauty as well. 

Where Do I Begin?

Well, since this blog will pretty much be my fixing everything blog, don't be surprised if there are multiple posts a day.  I'm going to try not to mix my categories together in the same blog posts.  So that means that my cleaning and organizing posts will be separate from my healthy living and parenting post, etc.  So where the heck do I begin with all this?!

I should first explain why I decided to do this.  A few months ago, shortly after having my third child, I made the decision to stay home with my kids and quit my job.  That has been such a hard thing for me because I really loved my job and LOVED the people I worked with.  I am still so sad to this day that I don't get to see them everyday. However, I have been so grateful that we have been blessed with the opportunity for me to be able to stay home with the kids.  It has been so rewarding and challenging, but I am loving every moment...almost.  This is where we get into my reasons for starting this journey.

Ever since I have been home, I have not been able to find my motivation.  I don't have a good routine.  I can't seem to keep up with the daily tasks around the house.  I feel like I never have any time for anything - not extra cleaning/organizing, not fun time with the kids, not me time, no hubby time, just no time.  When the kids go to bed at night, I know it is my opportunity to straighten up and get things in order so we can start the  next day off right...but I never do!  What is wrong with me?!  I don't know.  I just don't know where my motivation, my desire, my energy has gone.  And I'm tired of feeling this way!

I'm tired of being the mom, the wife, the person who has these great ideas and plans but never does any of them.  I know I have disappointed my family when I say that I'll get something done and I don't...why? Because I don't...I don't have a good excuse.  Laziness? Maybe. Exhaustion? Probably. But that shouldn't matter, I have always been a woman of my word and have been a productive person...but these last 6+ months (yes, that's half a year!) I have just not been. I just don't feel like myself!

So what am I doing to change this, you ask?  Well, first I decided to write a list of all the things I do not like about me right now.  Here is the short, non-detailed version:
1) I'm not motivated or productive
2) I feel sluggish and tired all the time
3) I have been short tempered and irritated
4) My house is messy all the time
5) I'm not spending quality time with family
6) I'm too distracted with mobile device
7) I'm not spending time with my Lord (praying, scripture reading, etc.)
8) I do not think I am pretty or attractive
9) I compare myself to other people...all the time!
10) I'm bored

Ok, so that list may seem a little much but these are honestly the things that are going on with me and I need to work on. I don't really know how I am going to fix all these, but that's the purpose of blogging for me.  I am going to document my journey so I can see what works and what doesn't and have record of the goods and the bads so I can hopefully keep myself going and keep being a better me.  I know there are going to be days where I feel like a failure, but I need to keep going.  Change doesn't happen over night.

I have a good friend who has embarked on a getting healthy journey a few months ago and just watching her progress and hearing how happy she is with herself has really inspired me.  She started her program 10 weeks ago (I think) and I remember thinking, "man, I really need to get motivated and do something." Well that was ten weeks ago and guess what, I have done nothing!  She recently posted an update, and I felt so proud of her and also so upset with myself that I have done absolutely nothing. What is my deal?! I don't know! I just don't feel like doing anything...and I am starting to FEEL it.

I feel tired and sluggish because of my lack of movement.  And because my body is changing (not for the good), I get down and depressed and I eat!  Which doesn't help.  When I feel down in the dumps, I mope and just think of ways to escape. So I go on social media and look at everyone else's lives and dream of owning a home so I don't have to clean the one we're in and think of vacations we could go on so I get away from my not so fun life and I even research different health programs (that cost money) that I could do so I can get in shape.  It's really quite pathetic.  I'm in a rut and I'm stuck.  I need to get myself out before it becomes too much for me to handle.

So I decided to blog.  I hope to be posting photos of myself, my house and/or projects I'll be doing around the house, just everything I'm doing.  I really want to do before and afters.  I just want to show everyone that life can feel so hard sometimes, but you can get through it. I have friends and family who have real trials and struggles they are going through, and I'm over here like, "poor me, I can't get anything done."  It makes me feel so angry sometimes.  But that is also not a good attitude to have.

This post was meant to show you why I am doing what I am doing.  As you can clearly see, I have become a negative, not-so-fun person.  I miss the old me.  I want my kids to know me, I want them to have a mother who is a good example and has confidence so they will have confidence, I want my husband to be excited to come home and spend time with us, I want to look in the mirror and see someone I love, I want to love my home again and not feel like running away.  That is why I am doing this...I want to and I need to. If I have any ounce of love for myself left, I need to start showing it. Actions speak louder than words...it's time to start acting.

This is No Fairy Tale!

Come watch me transform my life from a hectic, sluggish, disorderly mess to a wonderful, healthy, organized life. If you're anything like me, STRESS creates a not-so-fun home and life...and what stresses me out? My lack of motivation and always comparing myself, my life, my everything to everyone else! And it's time to stop!

On this journey, I will show you my real life struggles (eek!) and successes (yay!). Together I hope we can figure out ways to help us get our homes in order (one closet at a time), share parenting and marriage ups and downs (so you know no one is perfect but we do the best we can), ways to start feeling better about you by having healthier eating habits and doing some exercise (because YOU are beautiful and you need to know that!), and still manage to have fun family time (all work and no play is no fun for anyone)! Don't worry, we're not doing it all at once...so please be patient. We can't all have fairy godmothers around to wave her wand and fix all our issues.

Oh, and let me make it clear that I am starting this journey as I start this blog, so you will (hopefully) be witnessing my transformation every step of the way. No fairy godmother here...just a mother, her Heavenly Father, her goals, her prayers and a whole lot of junk in every corner that needs to go!

Let's do this! Bippity Boppity Boo!